Somehow, this week’s episode of Top Chef didn’t download! Instead, I ended up with a 55-minute infomercial for Celebrity Cruises. Isn’t that weird?
… that WAS the episode, you say? Oh. I guess in that case I’d better recap it. All winners/losers spoilers in the comments.
1. Off to the boat!
Our final five are boarding a CELEBRITY CRUISES boat to Alaska. The boat is REALLY NICE. And the scenery is AWESOME and BEAUTIFUL and GORGEOUS. Did we mention you can see all of these things when you book a CELEBRITY CRUISE?
… seriously. I’m pretty forgiving of product placement, all things considered, but holy jeez was that ever clunky. I felt embarrassed for the contestants, who had obviously been instructed on pain of death to say nothing but superlatives about their FABULOUS CELEBRITY CRUISE.
2. Lettuce have a Quickfire! (… groan)
At first I thought that they picked iceberg lettuce as the Quickfire ingredient because it will last forever in a cruise ship walk-in. But it seemed like they actually were going for the Titanic pun. I know it’s been a hundred years but I still feel like that’s kind of in poor taste. People, like, died and stuff. I’ve seen the movie.
3. Button it, Stefan
My up-down relationship with Stefan is definitely down this week, because he pulls out the cat-hissy noise to respond to Lizzie’s request that he not put electrical equipment directly on top of the food she is trying to cook. Grrr. Lizzie, you keep right on protecting your space. No more “you said I could use every last little bit of dill!” BS for our South African friend.
4. You may also button it, Josh
We get it. You’re from Oklahoma. You think Asia is one country and put bacon on everything, including toothpaste. And where you come from, men don’t get manicures. But whatever heart-warming I felt when he talked about his baby’s due date evaporated when he asked if Sheldon would turn into a woman from his manicure. I’m sure he would say he was “just joking,” but it’s a dumb and vaguely offensive joke.
5. Whoa, that got awkward fast.
It seemed like the contestants were having a good time on their post-Quickfire dinner at the FABULOUS CELEBRITY CRUISES shipboard restaurant — until Josh bagged on Brooke’s fried chicken from the last challenge. This quickly devolved into Brooke, Stefan, and Josh bickering about who had won the most/least challenges, while Lizzie and Sheldon looked on uncomfortably.
I honestly can’t tell whether Brooke and Josh like each other, hate each other, or tolerate each other.