I have never been good at giving gifts. Some people have a knack for picking out wonderful things that their loved ones didn’t even know they needed. I lack that talent. The advice to “just get people something you’d like!” doesn’t work if your tastes are somewhat non-standard, i.e., if you’re me. In middle school, when one of the most popular girls in my class invited me to her birthday slumber party, I got her novelty socks.* As a teenager I gave my friends strange humor books and accessories that fit my semi-hippie aesthetic preferences, cluelessly failing to notice their preference for YA fiction or Abercrombie & Fitch gear.
I could always tell that my gift wasn’t quite what the recipient wanted — there would be that awkward pause and then the “oh, uh, thank you!” This led to some serious hang-ups about gift giving. I hate giving people things they don’t want or won’t use. Worse, I hate making people feel like I didn’t care enough to find something they would actually like. I did care! I was just terrible at it!
My eventual solution? Gift cards. For everyone. On every occasion. Unless the giftee took pity on me and told me exactly what s/he wanted, s/he got an Amazon gift card. Or, if I was feeling really ambitious, a gift card to a nearby restaurant that I thought s/he’d enjoy.
I thought this was a pretty good solution until last Christmas, when my sister- and brother-in-law astounded all of us with adorable, thoughtfully chosen gifts that we never even knew we needed, like this awesome print of our hometown:
My pleasure at unwrapping these cool presents got me thinking. I don’t accept “I’m just bad at writing” as a valid excuse for my students repeating D-level grades — I know they can do better if they’ll put in the work. So why was I accepting my own “I’m bad at gifts” excuse? Could it be that I just wasn’t putting in the work? I resolved to do better this year.
So far, this has mostly involved keeping my eyes open for gifts. I’ve been bookmarking neat online finds on a “Gift Ideas” Pinterest board, and Econo Man and I came home from Italy with a suitcase full of Italian leather accessories and Modena balsamic vinegar. But I have to admit that I still have a bit of that will-they-really-like-this? anxiety when I look at the luggage tags and wallets that we brought home. More tips are always welcome. Does anyone have good ideas for finding gifts? And do you think there’s such a thing as someone who is “just bad at gifts”? Am I doomed to repeat the Novelty Sock Incident every time someone’s birthday rolls around?
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* And snowflake earrings, which fortunately she loved. Those may have been my mom’s idea.
I think keeping your eyes open is a huge part of good gift giving. If you think “Oh, that’d be a neat gift!” when you first see something and jot it down or buy it and squirrel it away, you’re far less apt to do the last minute at the mall scramble of oh-my-God-everything-here-suuuuucks (I may say this from experience, ahem). Also take a mental note if a friend compliments you on a piece of your jewelry or an item in your home as it’ll give you a sense of his/her taste and preferences. Sometimes knowing people’s “love languages” helps too – some people really appreciate items while others would prefer the gift of your time – i.e. a dinner together that’s your treat, etc. I think most people appreciate homemade items too, because of the time/thought that goes into them.
Finally, search Amazon and etsy for wishlists! Most of the people I know have one and it can help avoid the awkward “Sooooo, what do you want for your birthday” conversations!
My family (except for my brother-in-law) selfishly refuses to maintain Amazon wish lists! My brother’s was last updated in 2008. I have tried to set a good example by updating mine frequently but so far they haven’t taken the hint.
Gifts are HARD, yo. I’m somewhat decent at it, and I like to think my skill lies entirely in my ability to listen for potential gift ideas in normal conversations (“Oh, I love author/cooking style/color!”) and then write them down somewhere so I don’t forget. This skill doesn’t mean anything in those instances where you have to give gifts to someone you don’t ever really talk to. Urgh.
I’ve been adding things people mention to my Pinterest board! Yay, I’m doing something right!
I feel less bad about gift cards for people I never talk to, somehow.
I’m also bad at gifts. The best solution I’ve found is not just to keep my eyes open, but my ears. Any time someone mentions something they like, I enter it into a phone app I have for keeping track of that sort of stuff. Then, if possible I also add them to hidden amazon wish lists so I don’t forget.
When it comes time to pick out a gift for someone, I always feel like I’ve had a ton of ideas/hints throughout the year but now can’t remember any of them. I’ve been trying to jot stuff down as I hear it… has helped a bit so far.
Sorry M! WordPress is being extremely uncooperative this month.
argh, anonymous was me (wordpress is being such a jerk lately!).
My mom is ‘bad at gifts,’ which for her is a direct result of her bad taste. I don’t know how else to phrase that in a less harsh way (because I love her dearly), but it’s true. She just doesn’t have an eye for cool stuff; she is drawn to tacky knick-knacks and gaudy prints, colors, textures. For goodness sakes, she owns a Thomas Kincaide!! :) And I think she just doesn’t pick up on cues. Amazon wishlists have helped her tremendously.
If bad, or at least questionable, taste is not your issue, then I think it is all about going out on a limb and trusting your gut. Before birthdays and holidays, I jot down a list of things each person likes (golf, cooking, etc.) and then when I head out I look at items through those lenses. If the item I buy has a connection to something they like, I figure it will be appreciated to some degree.
You can do it!
Lauren, I’m actually not sure that my gift-giving problem *isn’t* a result of bad taste. Well, maybe not bad (no one actually thinks they have bad taste!), but definitely idiosyncratic. It’s hard for sci-fi-reading me to pick out books for my serious-family-drama-loving mom, for example. Then again I realize that my mom would never read a Vernor Vinge novel no matter how good it was, so at least I get that part of it, right?
I keep a Google spreadsheet document with family and friends names and update it throughout the year with ideas. That helps tremendously.