Wow! I had no idea my post about nagging would get such a response (or end up on Freshly Pressed)! It sounds like nagging is a hot-button issue in a lot of relationships, and I’m relieved to know that I’m not the only one with control-freak instincts who struggles with the temptation to nag.
I wish I could respond to everyone who left thoughtful comments on yesterday’s post. But since I can’t possibly do everyone justice, here’s what I took away from yesterday’s discussion.
For those of us who tend towards nagging, when tempted to bug your partner about a household chore that hasn’t been done:
- Pick your battles and learn to let the small things slide. If it’s something you could quickly do yourself, or if it’s not something that really needs to be done right-this-very-second, this may be a time to keep quiet.
- If your partner promises to do something and habitually doesn’t do it, start a constructive conversation about why that isn’t working for you and how you can both make sure things get done (à la lifeintheboomerlane’s suggestion). Consider establishing some reasonable consequences for missed chores, e.g., if the socks don’t go in the hamper, they don’t get washed.
- If constructive conversations don’t seem to change anything, consider whether the relationship is right for you.
On the flip side, if you feel like you’re being nagged:
- Ask yourself if your partner might have a point — *should* you have done the thing they’re mad about? — and be honest with yourself. If you dropped the ball, apologize and make an effort to do better in the future.
- If you feel your partner is criticizing you unfairly or making an unreasonable request, start a constructive conversation about why the request doesn’t work for you and how you and your partner can communicate better about household chores.
- If constructive conversations don’t seem to change anything, consider whether the relationship is right for you.
Huzzah, internet! We have solved nagging! (OK, not really. But let me just pretend for another minute here. OK, done.)
Hi,
The Curse of Future Tom’s site listed you on the blog roll and I am glad I came over here to check it out! I like the points you made about if you feel you are being nagged. I will use this to own my part in the conversation.